a little something i have been playing with...
last week i went through a pretty horrific experience. some of it real, some of it make believe... whatever did happen though has left a nice big imprint in my mind which has kinda got me thinking about making a little short reliving the experience. we'll see what i come up with :)
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
yes. you did. i am not lying! stop telling me i'm not telling the truth
why do i listen? why do i care what you think? god? something is not right. how can i change my way of thinking? how can i begin to realize that i can walk away? walk away knowing that i am right. at least right for having emotions. THE right to have an opinion.
what must it be like to live in his head. where only money matters? where it only matters what movie you get to direct. what show you get to next see your name in the credits??? the swag at any fucking film festival.
i wish my life were that simple.
but, back to the reason of this post. YES, YOU DID. you did say my emotions were wrong. you offered your solutions. your very first solution was to tell me i was wrong.
about my own emotions.
celiece
what must it be like to live in his head. where only money matters? where it only matters what movie you get to direct. what show you get to next see your name in the credits??? the swag at any fucking film festival.
i wish my life were that simple.
but, back to the reason of this post. YES, YOU DID. you did say my emotions were wrong. you offered your solutions. your very first solution was to tell me i was wrong.
about my own emotions.
celiece
Monday, August 20, 2007
darker and darker
the moments of life between the smiles on my face are getting darker and darker. longer and longer. and each day gets scarier and scarier.
tonight i was the most honest i have ever been since this extended vacation from happiness. it felt good to let it out. it felt good to express for the first time.
then i was told that what i was feeling, the emotions i am experiencing are not true.
hello darkness. how long this time? how much more can i take? how much more before i'm sitting on a mound of salt created by evaporated tears that will no longer flow.
how can an emotion not be true? you're telling me i may as well be dead. over dramatic maybe? no. how dare you tell me that to have the emotions i have is wrong. how do i not feel. how do i turn that off. i only wish sooooo badly i could not have these emotions. not be capable of my passions.
i wasn't even talking about you. i wasn't even talking about troubles we once had. i was being honest about me. my journey. my lessons, my experience with passions and pain.
if i am not who i am. then who the fuck am i?
celiece
tonight i was the most honest i have ever been since this extended vacation from happiness. it felt good to let it out. it felt good to express for the first time.
then i was told that what i was feeling, the emotions i am experiencing are not true.
hello darkness. how long this time? how much more can i take? how much more before i'm sitting on a mound of salt created by evaporated tears that will no longer flow.
how can an emotion not be true? you're telling me i may as well be dead. over dramatic maybe? no. how dare you tell me that to have the emotions i have is wrong. how do i not feel. how do i turn that off. i only wish sooooo badly i could not have these emotions. not be capable of my passions.
i wasn't even talking about you. i wasn't even talking about troubles we once had. i was being honest about me. my journey. my lessons, my experience with passions and pain.
if i am not who i am. then who the fuck am i?
celiece
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